I Really Hate Birds

 *Spoilers ahead. You have been warned*

I really do hate birds, so the best thing for me to do is play a game where you date them. Yes, I said date. This game I found last year, and it's actually one of my favorite games I've played. It's funny, wacky and completely full of craziness.

So many birds...

Hatoful Boyfriend is a dating sim game made by Moa. The game originally was made as a joke for April fools. For some reason, people enjoyed the game so much, that she made it into a full game.

There are two games, a manga, three (almost four) drama CDs (though they're in Japanese), two guidebooks and a book called Absolute Zero. The game can be played as a demo to see if you want to buy it for $4.19 as a download.

Onto the game play. The game is your stander dating sim format. For those who don't know what a dating sim game is, it's where you play a main character and you try to gain a romantic relationship with one of the males/females available in the game. Your choices can affect who you end up with and what ending you will get.

Home sweet cave

Hatoful Boyfriend is the same way, except you're wooing birds. Your character is Hiyoko Tosaka (name is changeable) who is the only human going to a school for pigeons, St. Pigeonation (by the pigeon, for the pigeon). Hiyoko isn't the sharpest tool in the shed; actually her wisdom level starts at 1 while she has 800 vitality. This is due to the fact that she's more caveman than normal human. I mean she lives in a cave!

Not even the game knows what he is

Now onto your potential suitors. We have the childhood friend (Ryouta Kawara), the snob (Sakuya Le Bel Shirogane), the playboy (Yuuya Sakazaki), the teacher (Kazuaki Nanaki), the doctor (Shuu Iwamine), the quiet smart boy Nageki Fujishiro), the unlock-able character (Anghel Higure) and the eccentric one (Okosan). Each bird you meet the first time shows you a picture of the bird and their human form. The human forms are to make you more comfortable. My favorite human form is Okosan just because he doesn't have one.

That's definitely the way a high school girl talks.

Your character is never seen, so you have to use your imagination for what she might look like. In the manga, however, Hiyoko is represented by a piece of meat. Mainly because she eats meat while the birds eat grains.

 During the game, you can pick which class you want to attend, events to participate in and dialogue with the characters. Your choices will affect who you end up with and what ending you get. The dialogue can be bit weird, especially since Hiyoko has a way with phrasing things.

The story lines can be a bit weird and the endings aren't what you expect. Some endings are ridiculous in the "what the heck just happened" kind of way. Others can be a bit sad and it gives you a lot of feels even though they're birds.

The first time I played the game, I couldn't stop laughing at everything that happened. Some of the birds look so weird to be real birds. There was never a dull moment when I played it. I fully enjoyed playing every route possible.

Even his smile is creepy...

As for one of the birds I tried to woo, well I went after the doctor. I just thought it was a safe choice and completely ignored the fact that the game described him as having "a creepy reputation among students." He made many subtle threats to maim Hiyoko and/or feed her questionable drugs. I was determined to finish his route whether it killed me or not.

Ultimately it did kill me, well it killed Hiyoko. The good end is where the good doctor decides to keep her and cuts her head off to preserve in a jar. His love for science makes her a special specimen, being human and all. An extended in ending, the doctor asks if you truly loved him. Your choices are (1) yes (2) yes (3) yes. I went around screaming at the computer and asking why I didn't have the option to say no or something. Then I remembered that she's dead. This is considered a good end with him.

Like I said before, I really enjoyed this game. It can give you a lot of laughs and the good thing is that it doesn't have to be taken seriously. I mean, if you want to take dating birds seriously, be my guest. I recommend the demo if you don't want to buy it. I did buy the game in the end and I don't regret it. The game comes with an extra story line called Bad Boy Love (BBL). This story goes deeper into the backgrounds of the pigeons and explaining a few things. BBL is a lot less funny and more of somber tone, but it still has its funny moments.

Well what are you waiting for? Go play the demo and laugh until your stomach hurts. If you're still wondering, I still hate birds. Until next time.

Draw me like one of your French girls